Ask A Coach

Trauma

Is this a big trauma?
How do I rewrite, retell this story. Because I’m living it again today!
I was about 16 or 17. There was a situation happening….My dad was pushing and slapping my mother around in the kitchen. Can’t remember how I came into the room, probably up from my bedroom which was down about 4 or 5 steps, when I heard the commotion. I can’t remember if he was drunk, but I think so. I saw what he was doing and I told him “to keep his ? hands off my mom”. He said no one speaks to him like that and pushed me down the steps. I have no recollection of what happened after.
So how does this story get retold or rewritten? What good comes out of it?
Do I tell it that I was brave to stand up to him for my mom’s sake or did I learn that when you stand up, confront or defend someone you get disciplined or? I know I learnt that no one would ever treat me like that ever!
Not sure I want live coaching on this, as it is a very personal matter to me. My husband had never heard this until I told him after dinner tonight. So I asked him how he’d retell the story and he couldn’t, because he can’t fathom the situation happening at all. It’s interesting that you think you’ve dealt with all this and it comes back to haunt you. 😥

Answer:

Is this a big trauma?
-it can be confusing and frustrating to try to get everything put in a box or try to define every single thing. Different therapists or coaches will define trauma in many different ways. I recommend that you get your own definition of trauma and then use that as a lens for yourself to look through moving forward.

Whenever you remember a story from your past you are reliving it. However you are keeping it alive by the way you share the story. You always have your current self tell the story.

How do you want to tell the story? Do you want to be the heroine of your own life?
– you stood up to your dad and then you made sure that you married a man who never did this to you.
-you were brave to stand up to your father regardless of the consequences
-did you get disciplined for standing up or did you find your voice no matter what happens. You are a person who stands up for the people you love and don’t worry about the consequences because you have that strength of character.
-this story does not have the power to haunt you. The only thing that haunts you is the thoughts that you choose to think

I love to be the hero of my own life. Being a victim takes away your power every time. What do you think of these suggestions?