A big thing that has come up for me as I work in this program is how much guilt and shame I have / feel around my body in general, body size and eating. Of course there are reasons, with roots in childhood experiences.
I notice that I don’t want to be coached. When I ask myself why I think it is because coaching goes deep, and I want to keep things surface level because digging into my feelings and patterns and being vulnerable brings up SO MUCH guilt and shame I then feel blindsided and so stuck in the mire of self criticism, negative judgements and blaming myself because I know better but I don’t do better! I watch the modules but I am not following through with the work as every time I begin the worksheets negative emotions flood in. (So I am learning, but being more of an observer and not doing and it is creating a lot of cognitive dissonance and self judgement….in essence, making the guilt and shame worse)
These negative feelings feel worse than just being overweight and ignoring the negatives emotions that feel SO HEAVY. A part of me wants to just quit trying to lose weight and accept that I’m fat and that is just how it is and to find a way to be ok with it.
What can I do to get past the guilt and shame? Is there a baby step that can help me build enough confidence that I hold onto it and can keep taking another step forward without being taken out by guilt and shame? A thought I can keep coming back to that can create a positive feeling?
Thank you for this program and for this opportunity to ask questions here anonymously.