Ask A Coach

Getting over Body Shame

A big thing that has come up for me as I work in this program is how much guilt and shame I have / feel around my body in general, body size and eating. Of course there are reasons, with roots in childhood experiences.

I notice that I don’t want to be coached. When I ask myself why I think it is because coaching goes deep, and I want to keep things surface level because digging into my feelings and patterns and being vulnerable brings up SO MUCH guilt and shame I then feel blindsided and so stuck in the mire of self criticism, negative judgements and blaming myself because I know better but I don’t do better! I watch the modules but I am not following through with the work as every time I begin the worksheets negative emotions flood in. (So I am learning, but being more of an observer and not doing and it is creating a lot of cognitive dissonance and self judgement….in essence, making the guilt and shame worse)

These negative feelings feel worse than just being overweight and ignoring the negatives emotions that feel SO HEAVY. A part of me wants to just quit trying to lose weight and accept that I’m fat and that is just how it is and to find a way to be ok with it.

What can I do to get past the guilt and shame? Is there a baby step that can help me build enough confidence that I hold onto it and can keep taking another step forward without being taken out by guilt and shame? A thought I can keep coming back to that can create a positive feeling?

Thank you for this program and for this opportunity to ask questions here anonymously.


First I am very happy for you that you are asking for help. Writing this down is so helpful because it means you are in your upper brain and thinking about your thinking.

Second I would invite you to write down all of the thoughts you have about your childhood and how it relates to your relationship with food. This will help you be aware of it and so then you won’t feel so afraid of being blindsided.

Third what is the problem with being overweight? What do you make it mean about you?

Fourth I recommend that you embrace guilt and shame. Allow it in and let it be. The more you accept it, the easier it will feel.

Fifth don’t rush to a positive feeling. In order to feel happy you need to be willing to feel the opposite.

Sixth here are some thoughts that can help you to work through these struggles:
-I am worth spending time working on
-When I know better, I do better
-Feelings aren’t scary, they are just vibrations in my body
-I have tools to help connect my brain to my body and never have to be afraid
-Everything is figureaoutable
-Welcome to being a human and here is the 50/50