Ask A Coach

Dealing with others thoughts about you

There was a situation at work a few weeks ago where someone approached me about what another coworker in a different department was saying about me (calling me a very unpleasant name to other staff members). On a certain level my thought are “this person doesn’t really know me” “their just gossiping” etc. But on another level I feel very hurt, sad, upset by this. I know I am definitely a people pleaser who avoids confrontation and wants everyone to like me. I am certain most people see right through this other persons actions/words. At first I was ruminating about said words but now I have come to joke about them with my direct team members (i.e. you know what so and so says bout me, I’m just the biggest B#@!* there is, lol). I know this is just a form of beating myself up because at the end of the day it still bothers me. How can I move on from this thought of everyone needing to like me & say good things about me?


This is a great time to use the model.
Circumstance: Coworker says words
Thought: I need everyone to like me and say nice things about me but they aren’t.
Actions: Ruminate over the words said.
Discuss the words said with other co-workers.
Beating yourself up about words said.
Result: Allowing the words other people say to have more power over you than your own thoughts about yourself.

Is this the kind of person you want to be?
How do you want to show up in your own life?