Ask A Coach

Brain Betrayal

I know I am responsible for my own feelings. But my brain says my feels are hurt. Dating has brought up all kinds of insecurities. I try to calm them by saying,”this is a thought it is not a circumstance”. I then go down worry road. I picture worst case scenario and try to calm those feelings. I know my thoughts aren’t true but they feel true and real. My not trustworthy brain says I am not loveable. I will not find another love. When this kicks in I’m afraid to be me. How does this play out I shut down and want to put on my running shoes and just give up. But, deep down I don’t want to be alone. Fear is real and alive. What should I do besides just feel the feelings.


There are so many different thoughts here that deserve your attention.

1. Worry road is the best because you can go down it and work through that you will always take care of yourself. You can’t calm your feelings from worry road.

2. Of course dating has brought up your insecurities. What would it be like to be a beginner?

3. Your feelings only get hurt if you ate then be hurt. You are an emotional adult.

4. Are you loveable sometimes and not loveable sometimes? Is that true for all of us? However, are you able to be loveable to yourself no matter what? What does that look like as a non-negotiable?

5. Our thoughts are our thoughts and then we decide how much space and attention we give to each of them.

6. Just like the ‘mean girl’ that comes into my office and says there are people who are smarter than me- I just let her say it and invite her to keep on walking out the door. Allow the disturbance and then allow it to pass.

7. Review the 3 steps of self confidence.

8. GO to your future self and talk to her about these insecurities and start to act like your future self who is in a loving relationship. what do you learn from her?